I just don't know what is happening anymore .. I just don't know who I am. I broke up with him.. which didn't make me sad. I mean losing him wasn't a big deal for me. I just feel pitty for him cause he keep asking me to give him another chance ! I don't want to .. OMG ! I think I have some feelings for Mahan ! But he is his friend. Of course he is Sara's friend more than Ali's. whatever .. I don't think this ever happens. I just shipped him with Mozhan ! I was hopeful nothing happens :) that's totally embaracing! Yesterday we went to cafe ! I told Mozhan to pay attention to him. He came later. The whole time I was looking at the door. Then he came , and sat beside me. We chat ! And I understادامه مطلب

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. It's his birthday .. why i can't forget him ?! :) I feel like I have no feelings for a anymore ! Sara asked me if i'm intrested in being with Mahan :)) His cute .. and kind .. but his friend with a :)) Actually I like it .. but .. idk :)

Today I bought a French self-studying book. I waa start it now. mom says I have to go to classes too. anyway I think it's good to know sth about that before going to the class or taking the course at university. I have to work on my writing and grammar too. GOD ! I need to improve ! :(

A guy replyed to my ads at penfriends club. He's turkish ! come on ! He's not a native speaker , how can I be sure that he write correctly ! But it's better than nothing .. I havn't studies for few days. All i did was watching GOT ! i just started it and found out what i was missing ! I have watched 3 seasons and i'm going to start forth one after finishing that. I can't do anything but watching iادامه مطلب

The air around me feels like a cage :) ! It really does ... my best years are wasting. alone. with no friends. Sometimes I think I want to marry him as soon as possible just to release myself. I know that's a bad idea. I know what comes after these kind of choices , more problems ! But I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm alone. I'm really really alone. I need someone. A girl. A friend. A cloادامه مطلب

Post number 100 ! amazing .. I hadn't continue writing a web for this long before started this. Started this to write about him and know .. ! I afraid to go back and read what I wrote. I don't want to remeber that I was a fool. I still think that I am. I'm always worried about saying sth and sounds foolish. I'm always worried about peoples judgments .. I know .. I'll never can enjoy my life this wادامه مطلب

I think I'm getting better. Maybe for none_stop watching got ! 3 more episodes left. I may finish it tonight. I was thinking that I lost 4 kgs in a month. can I do it till the next month too ?! If I can .. then I'll be 53 .. and 2 more kgs till the end of summer .. sounds really good ! I was at this weight before so there is no such a bold difference. But 51 ?! never ! I'll be in a good shape finally ..

I broke up with him. Last night. I don't know why really .. that's fuy ! I guess I'm losing my mind ! I cant't tolerate his atitudes anymore .. He drives me crazy all the time. He wants to argue about all the little worthless things in our relationship and srsly ! I can't handle them ! last night he was just talking and talking and it had been 2 days that I was bored and instead of understanding me he was just bothering me with his bitter words. I tried to anwer ! I tried to be cruel and bitter as well but suddenly I started to cry really hard. He couldn't see that bc we were texting but I was crying .. the I felt I can't do it anymore. I said to him that I hate him and I don't want to hear a word from him anymore .. I'm sad just bc I didn't want to break his hard .. but I can't ! I really can't ! I can't discribe my feelings by words ..

I lost weight ! thanks god ! about 7 kgs .. Now I'm 54 ! I goa lose 4 more. I think I'll be good then. I have to chose my courses for next term which means it's going to start pretty soon .. Actually I did nothing this summer but losing weight and watching Got ! what a shame .. Sometimes I think maybe I'm a useless person who can never become independent .. Btw I couldn't study anything but I'm goa defenitly start it as the classes start. I think I've forgotten all the grammer I knew .. feeling horrible and stressed and don't want to start going to university again. On the other hand I'm bored af !

He texted me :))) .. I think it was about 4 or 5 days ago .. he said I wasn't sure when was your birthday .. so I just wanted to say congratulation sooner .. then we talked ! actually I made the conversation longer by asking for music .. he sent me 90 ! :)) and the other night he sent message again and asked if I listened or not ! then we talked .. till moing :)) till 4 a.m in the moing .. and that was all ! God knows how much I've missed him :)) that just made everything worst .. I want to cry for the rest of my life .. I hope he become broken as I did .. I hope he feels the same someday ! I want it from the bottom of my heart .. I hope one day someone come and do the same to him .. he's still destrying my soul and hurting my feeling .. I know .. I know I shouldn't talk to him but it was out of my control .. He knows what is doing to me .. sick bastard :))

It has all started again. university I mean. I'm still a bit confused about the new lifestyle (again). I have to go there from 9 A.M till 1 P.M. I haven't gone to the gym since last week cause I can't ! so I have to go to another gym which has time for ladies in the afteoon and I'm goa start it next week. That's really hard for me. Matching with new people and new places. Btw .. I lost about 8 kilograms and I want to lost 3 kilograms more. I want to be 50. Even less ! Then I start the fitness thing .. But my first goal is losing weight. I'm going to visit nutrition teraphist tomorrow and see what happen .. I think I'm losing my mind too. I need to see a psychologist. srsly ! God may help me ! :)